it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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