My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
