i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize