So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
