he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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