drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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