Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All the doctor said was why
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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