East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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