Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
