i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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