Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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