I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
