If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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