We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
