his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
