Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
