he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
