Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
tell me about the eggs
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
