I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
