My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
