guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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