can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
