4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
