Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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