so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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