I forgot how hot balto sounded
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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