The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
