ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
