Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize