Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
