Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
