he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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