I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
