What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
