You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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