she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
