she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
