I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
