so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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