Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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