My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
