Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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