I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
