who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
