I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
