I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
