Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
