just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
