There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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