I'm going to jail i love you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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