She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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