Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
