he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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