He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
