I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
