So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
