All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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