Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
