A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
