I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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