My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
