tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize