I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
