I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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