I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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