dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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