If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
