You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
