I skipped work to stalk him.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
