where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize